Monthly Archives: May 2011

The following items are my response to a simple question: “What made your summer special aside from your OJT?” (Apparently, I’m too preoccupied to think of a much better introduction. Please bear with me.)

BOOKS

1. Gregor the Overlander by Suzzane Collins (5/5 stars)
2. Suzzane’s Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson (5/5 stars)
3. Penny from Heaven by Jennifer L. Holm (4/5 stars)
4. The Locket by Richard Paul Evans (4/5 stars)
5. Rage of Angels by Sidney Sheldon (4/5 stars)

FILMS

1. The Matrix Trilogy (5/5 stars)
2. Changeling (5/5 stars)
3. I Am Number Four (5/5 stars)
4. Never Let Me Go (4.5/5 stars)
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (4.5/5 stars)

[EDIT] I watched Requiem for a Dream (5/5 stars) two days after I posted this entry. Technically, it is an anachronism that should be included. [/EDIT]

AMERICAN IDOL PERFORMANCES

1. “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” by James Durbin (Top 6 Week)
2. “Bennie and the Jets” by Haley Reinhart (Top 11 Week)
3. “I’ll Stand by You” by Pia Toscano (Top 24 Week)
4. “Country Comfort” by Scotty McCreery (Top 11 Week)
5. “I’m Still Standing” by Naima Adedapo (Top 11 Week)

I used to convince myself that I hate you. And why not, I had every reason to loath you for leaving me alone and vulnerable. You sucker punched me, and I was caught off guard. And so, I believed that I hate you.

But the truth is, I don’t.

Perhaps, it was a futile defense mechanism that my mind had cooked up for my own good. I was living in denial under the protective shade of my self-fulfilled illusion when it dawned unto me. I don’t hate you; I hate myself. I hate my cowardice, my inability to move forward. I hate my insensitivity, my dismissive authority for every word that you have to say. I hate the fact that without you, I feel nothing but remorse.

I don’t hate you. In fact, I admire you. I admire you for having the courage to stand up for yourself. You’d just proven that you’re a tough woman – one who’s ultimately capable of independence. I love you more for that.

I keep on thinking if this would have happened if only I had done something differently. If only I did see this coming… If only I had been better… If only I could rewind the tape and undo what had been done… But, what’s the point? Sometimes, life is not fond of giving second chances. We just have to deal with it and go forward.

I know I should have written these words a couple of years back, right then and there. But I didn’t because I couldn’t. Up until now, I don’t have the guts to give this to you, let alone recite these words to you personally. I know, however, that one day I finally could. But before that day comes, let this just be a nondescript blog post.